Katherine in MiddleEarth Revisited: Now With Commentary
by AlexAmericus
Summary: This character is quite possibly the biggest Mary Sue (aside from Ebony) that I've read about thus far. I couldn't tell you how many times I face palmed throughout reading and commentating this. The fanfiction kind of fell off the face of the Earth as well, because there's only four chapters. As always, this is rated 'T' for my ridiculously foul mouth.
1. A Big Chapter of Blahblahblah

It's the totally obligatory intro!

Hey guys, sorry I haven't been that active lately. I've been applying for a part time job and I got one at Safeway (Yippee), but I'm not too keen on it. I've applied to a different place but I'm going to give Safeway a ten day notice to see if it works out. However; if Petsmart comes calling I'm going to switch to that. I'm just more comfortable (in retail) when I'm around animals. Besides, at this job I'll be working directly with animals. YAY!

If I do get this job things might slow down due to me working on top of school and volunteering at my local animal shelter. I'll try to keep on top of things though. Keep sending in those suggestions and I'll get to them as soon as I can.

Now that the memo is out of the way.

Welcome back everyone, or if you're new, welcome anyway.

I've been getting a lot of suggestions from the Lord of the Rings fandom, not that I mind. The Lord of the Rings fandom is so big there's bound to be a lot of bad ones, most of which are ones that have dropped off the face of the Earth, oh well. No fanfiction is safe.

If you're new, here's a few things of note:

1) As anyone that reads these will tell you, my commentary will be in **[bold brackets]** because I am obnoxious as hell.

2) I have a mouth worse than a sailor, so if you are sensitive to curse words, move along.

3) **[Holy shit there's a three?]** I do consider myself to be a troll. Just thought I would put that out there.

That's all I've got to say before the disclaimer, speaking of which; here it is:

**BIG MOTHERFUCKING DISCLAIMER BEFORE YOUR BRAIN CELLS DIE:** Any references you find are most definitely not mine, they are schtuff that I pulled out of my brain for shits and giggles. The footnotes are specifically there to explain littler known references that need addressing as well as things and concepts that have actually happened to me in my life or stuff that I've observed.

P.S. There's a story time in this one. I go into much more depth of one of my experiences at The Riding Center I used to work at and volunteer my time. It is in the footnotes. If you don't want to read it, that's fine. It was something that I know people wouldn't get and that I would have to explain. I apologize ahead of time if it takes away from the commentary. Skip the story if you wish, but for those that do read it, I thank you ahead of time.


	2. Chapter 1

**Holy crap there is a PSA, I mean, Rambling at the beginning again. Oh crap, what is happening?:**

Nothing's happening Minions; calm down. I just wanted to let you know that I actually read some reviews to this fanfiction before deciding to commentate on it. There were a lot of people that actually defended this author from so-called 'flames' and commenting how a lot of people don't know what constructive criticism is. Now, this author says at the beginning that this is their first fanfiction, and I have a few things to say about that:

1) This does not excuse you from the harsh realities. The truth has a way of making enemies with everyone, you are no exception.

2) I couldn't care less if this is your first fanfiction. Writing any kind of prose takes time and effort, and if you aren't willing to invest those elements into your first fanfiction - then get out.

3) This card is overused, I have seen this in _so_ many other places:

_"This is my first quiz, so be nice."_

_"This is my first fanfiction, so be nice."_

_"This is my first video, so be nice."_

_"This is my first poll, so be nice."_

_"This is my first time doing a cover, so be nice."_

_"This is my first time..._EVERYTHING."

This isn't a pity party. Yeah, your first time writing a fanfiction might be sub-par, everyone goes through this. You are not special, so why should I give you special treatment, hm?

And to the few comments defending this author and also offered constructive criticism:

For one, I'm glad you didn't decide to completely cheerlead or troll this person, but at the same time - you guys are part of the problem saying that this author basically did no wrong and claiming that some people don't know what constructive criticism is.

Of course these flamers know what constructive criticism is, but the silver lining of trolling (yes, there is one) is that it exposes the author to harsh realities. This is the goddamn Internet, where everyone is anonymous and hate is inevitable. There are going to be people like this _everywhere_, even in real life. You might as well get exposed to it now and develop a thick skin than shield these people from flames forever. Believe me, the more you hide, the more it'll hurt because you've had all these people telling you how good you are with no repercussions and then someone like me comes along with their big bad Harsh Reality stick to smack you over the head. If you're exposed to it, you can retaliate much, much quicker and deal with it a lot better in a more mature way.

With that being said, let's beat this fanfiction with the Harsh Reality stick, Minions.

**End of Ramble.**

Hello! This is my first ficcie evar, **[Now that you've said that, I know this will be inevitably bad.]** so don't be too hard for me and pleaze review! OK?

Katherine was sitting by her table. She had beautifull emerald eyes and completely white hair. **[The only way to achieve natural white hair is to be born albino. In which, emerald green eyes are also impossible, because most albinos have a pink or red pigment to their eyes.]** She was doing her homework though she hated doing it. She sucked at school, but she had other more important stuff to do like her model career. **[So you would much rather starve yourself half to death than have a fulfilling and stable career that provides a decent pay and insurance that prevents just that?]** She was the most popular girl in the high school **[How convenient.]** and she had like ten boyfriends drooling over her. **[And right from the get-go we have Our Sue, holy hell this girl is **_**too**_** perfect.]**

She was about to fell asleep to the table but then she was suddenly vacuumed to the bin. **[That reminds me of a particular spy cartoon that I was rather fond of when I was nine...I forget the title.]** She went through a worm hole and was dropped to the green hills. **[As opposed to transporting to the pink hills. Oh wait, that's Wonderland.][Alt. So...is she now in Emerald City?]** "Ouch! My fingernail broke and my clothes that I bought from Hot topic, they are ruined!11" **[Ha ha ha ha **_**ha.**_**]** Then she saw somebody galloping with horse and she recognized the rider as one of the Lord of the Ring character.** [How? You didn't exactly give background to that.]**

It was Legolas. **[Of course.]** Katherine stand up from the ground and looked deep into the elf's eyes. Legolas blushed and turned his head away. **[...Legolas does not blush.]** When he had reached the place where Katherine was **[**_**More**_** goddamn Krang-speak, sheesh, at this point I'm going to have to call for Leo.]** he stopped the horse. Katherine looked angrily at Legolas. **[Because MOOD SWINGS.]**

"What the fucking joke is this!"She yelled. **[Use your inside voice, Sue.]**

"This ain't **[*face palm*]** no joke at all. You were summoned here by the great worlock Gandalf."Legolas said. **[And how in the holy motherfuck did he know that?]**

"WHY?!"She said

"Because you are the chosen one. **[*head desk* Not again.]** You've got the force **[Aaaand - crossover time.]** and we needed to hurry so you wouldn't go to the dark side **[Come to the dark side, we have cookies...come on; they're homemade chocolate chip.]** of it."Legolas said

"Umh...Okay...Kewl! **[Derp.]** What's my force?"She asked.

"Great wisdom and magic and fighting skill lies in you."He said. **[So she's a guru, witch, and UFC fighter all in one...oh, this is a Lord of the Rings fanfiction? I thought is was an Avatar: The Last Airbender, Harry Potter, and UFC crossover.]**

Katherine was shaking with laughteer. **[My mind is still in the Harry Potter universe and I just thought of Bellatrix Lestrange. *shudder*]** Legolas wasn't amused at all. He had already fell as the victim of Katherine's beaty. **[Meme time. *double face palm*]** Then Legolas grabbed her hand and put her into the horse's back. He sat behind Katherine and headed to the rivendell. **[**_***We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of...**_**Rivendell?*]**

In Rivendell Katherine met Gandalf and Elrond. **[Because nothing interesting happened in that meeting]** They greeted her warmly and she get to share a room with Arwen. **[Highly unlikely.]** She became good friends with Arwen, though Arwen was bit jealous of Katherine's beauty. Arwen also lent clothes to Katherine. **[I feel like a robot reading this, there's so many simple sentences.]**

Next day they put her into practise. Gandalf thought her how to use magic. She was sure that she couldn't master it especially 'cause Gandalf had said that it takes decades to master it. **[Realistically yes, but this is the world of fanfiction.]** Gandalf asked her to do simple light magic at first. Katherine concentrated and took deep breath and then she just popped the light in her hand. **[That fudging simple? Ugh.]**

Gandalf was really amazed how fastly **[That is not a word. WORD CRIME.]** she had masterd it because it had taken so much time from him when he had been still novice at magic. **[Um...what?]** Katherine definitely was the chosen one to end all the conflicts in the Middle-earth. **[You can't be serious. What about Frodo, his part in that war was pretty damn significant!]**

They went from simple magics to the difficultiers and she mastered all of them instantly like she had done with the light magic. **[See what I mean? Too fucking perfect.]** Then Gandalf decided that she needs a magical staff. **[How about a stick, that doesn't do shit.]** So he gave Katherine a red with white spots staff and it had heart in its top. The heart was the symbol of force. **[Mr. Owl, how many times am I going to face palm throughout this fanfiction? (Mr. Owl: "Three.") ...You're a liar Mr. Owl.]**

"Let the force be with you." **[The name Luke or Anakin should be somewhere at the end of that sentence.]** Said Gandalf when Katherine had mastered the magic in few weeks.

Katherine moved into tears but Legola came and swept them away with his silky hands. **[*pinches bridge of nose* Fucking...]** Legolas embraced Katherine and said that she shouldn't cry 'cause from tomorrow on he would teach her archery! **[*shoulders crossbow* Bring it. I got a laser sight.]**

I wish you liked it. **[I don't. *smacks with Harsh Reality Stick*]** It's my first ficcie evar. I put quite a lot of effort doing it. **[Not enough it seems.]** Pleaze review! I want to know if you liked it! **[I think you Minions know what I think.]**


	3. Chapter 2

Katherine isn't sue! **[Yes, she is.]** I worked so hard with her **[No, you didn't.]** and then you come and say she's sue! **[Of course we do. What did you expect? This is the goddamn Internet.]**

In about a month Katherine's hair had started to have its natural color back because her hair was bleached white(there you have it you meanies!). **[Okay, so she's not a fake albino. I can rest easy from the inaccuracy and stupidity.]** Her hair was even more beautifull in its original color because it was golden brown. **[Goddammit.]**

"How come you had white hair before and now its golden?" Arwen asked Katherine.

"It was bleached before. Now the color has just faded away." **[Tyler Oakley bleached his hair...*shrugs* He can pull it off. I don't know why I just said that.]** She said.

"That's kind of amazing like magic." **[The OOC-ness is killing me.]** Arwen said.

One day when she woke up she had grown pointy ears in her sleep. **[Oh motherfucking goddamn bullshit...*goes off to rant and rave about Sues turning into elves*]** She screamed like ten minutes **[She should be dead from lack of oxygen flowing to the brain. Either that or in a persistent vegetative state.]** and then lord Elrond hurried in.

"What's wrong with me!"Katherine screamed.

"Your force is starting to wake up Katherine."He said. **[This said force is a cognizant being? *laughs hysterically*]**

"Oh, really. That's good I guess?" She said.

Legolas had started training her with archery. She was quick learner and Legolas was a good teacher. **[Unrelated Nerd Moment #1: I just remembered in Assassin's Creed 3 ****where ****Ratonhnhaké:ton is teaching ****Kanen'tó:kon stuff like climbing and hunting****. *suddenly becomes very sad* Fucking Templars.]** She was steadily getting better day by day. She could already hit the target from 30 feet distance. **[*scoff* Amateur.]**

"You're good at this." Legolas said

"No that's not true at all."She said **[Hey, leave the self detrimental comments to me, got it? ...Wait.]**

"Stop underestimating yourself. You are like the gifted person in archery that I've ever seen." He said. **[I'm glad my Slipknot playlist is keeping me calm...What? Heavy music keeps me calm.]**

"No you are just saying that because you want me to feel good..." **[Just like cheerleaders.]** She said.

Legolas grabbed her shoulders and told her stop talking nonsense. Katherine blushed. She thought Legolas was sexy when he was angry. **[Why does that sound like sadomasochism?]** Legolas noticed that Katherine blushed and turned his head away. **[Don't fall into her trap. Oh wait, it's already too late. Dammit.]**

Rivendell was beautiful place and Katherine enjoyed her time there. **[Who wouldn't? Rivendell has wonderful tourist attractions and resorts.]** There was trees everywhere and everything looked so nice. **[Grammar crimes...ugh.]** Elves were really nice to her and she was nice back. Sometimes she sat on a stone and started singing. She sang so beautifully that everyone stopped whatever they were doing. Her singing voice sounded like a sparrows. **[I would've gone with crows.]**

"I thought she couldn't sing at all" **[How dare you think that way about Our Sue Figwit...or Lindir...or whoever you are because the author didn't give you a name.]** said an elf to Elrond.

"That's part of her force. **[How in the motherfuck?]** Her force is getting stronger day by day."

Legolas was somewhere and listened to beautiful singing of Katherine. He sighed and let the sweet voice approach his ear tunnel. **[...You don't need Human Anatomy and Physiology to tell you that's wrong.][Follow up: Psst...the correct term is 'ear canal.']** The voice calmed him and everyone around as well. **[Corey Taylor's screaming is calming me...is that weird?]**

Katherine was trained to ride horse as well because she originally couldn't do that. She even got her own horse or actually it was a pony. **[ProTip: Research the height difference of ponies and horses, because ponies are significantly smaller. I'm 5'2'' and can't ride a pony because I'm too tall.]** But the pony wasn't some ordinary pony but it could telepathically speak with Katherine and Katherine only. **[*face desk* Ow.]** Pony's name was Lurwin. **[...I'm not one to judge horse names, but hell.]** They were like best friends from the very moment they met. **[That's nearly impossible to do. It took me twenty weekly carrots and intensive care and attention to gain the trust of a certain horse.(1)]**

She learned in couple of days the basics of riding **[From experience: Impossible.]** and after that the most important part was learning balance. **[That is actually the most important part dimwit, you learn that first in any facility.]** She didn't fall anytime which is quite rare. **[Oh motherfucking bullshit, I've been riding for eight years and I fell off three times.]** Soon she was doing quick turns with Lurwin and practicing gallop changes and lengthened trot. **[If I had the ability to raise an eyebrow, my left eyebrow would have disappeared into my hairline.]** She didn't need saddle or bridle but she could ride like elves without them.

A/N: I've got pony as well. His name is Ikaros and Lurwin is kind of like Ikaros. **[No, it really isn't.][Alt. Is that some kind of version of Icarus?]**

Please review! **[Nein.(2)]** I again worked hard with this one! **[****Нет.****(3)]** I want to hear if it's good. **[Hakuna.(4)]** Flamers can suck my ass! **[****Όχι.****(5)]**

**Footnotes:**

(1): STORY TIME :D Read it or not, doesn't matter to me - I just like telling this story. And there is literally no way to short form this without leaving out details.

While I was working at The Riding Center, we had found out about a horse living behind a mobile home in filth and disarray. My mentor, Judi, wanted to help the poor creature. This horse had a whole host of problems from deformities (possibly failed backyard breeding incident) to years of neglect. This poor horse was so distrusting of everyone, and hadn't had any real human contact in ages.

Her hooves were unkempt, her hair was matted and clumped up from years of neglected grooming. She looked like one of those cases you'd see on Animal Planet's: Animal Cops. When she shed for the winter and summer, no one groomed her - so her hair just clung to her. When we got a hold of her and brushed away all the hair; there was so much there was enough to actually _cover_ the ground she was standing on. No joke, you couldn't see the dirt underneath her.

When the farrier came to see to her hooves, every time he'd pick one up she would stumble and nearly fall. It took two of us on either side of her, excluding the farrier, to hold her steady. Her hooves were so overgrown that she couldn't walk properly, and even after the farrier finished she wasn't used to it and stumbled so many times. Even after it all she couldn't go faster than a baby trot, in which to see that was rare.

Not only had nobody groomed her properly and seen to her hooves in years, she was underweight. It was bad enough that you could see her ribs. Every. Single. One. Her hips poked out, she just looked downright miserable all the time. After several months we finally got her to the point where she was the correct weight. What I mean by that was that we couldn't see her ribs anymore and her hips weren't as pronounced.

This horse pretty much wasn't trained. She knew basic things like how to walk on a line and ground commands, but that was it. I tried putting a saddle on her and she nearly bit me three or four times when I tightened the girth the slightest bit. I got on her back _once._ She couldn't support my weight and stumbled every two steps and barely knew any commands. She became a pasture horse, she could never be ridden, and it wasn't because she wasn't trained: she was weak from the neglect and deformities. It was inevitable.

It took a _long_ time to gain her trust. It took carrots, apples, constant love and attention and care. In the end she turned out to be a very sweet (yet very stubborn) horse. We started calling her Snow (or as the kids and I called her: Snowy or Snow White) for her white as snow fur.

The kids _adored_ her. They thought she was pretty, her hair was soft, she was sweet. She was the kind of pony that little girls dreamed about having. They would always ask me: "Can we go see Snowy?", "Can we groom Snowy?", "Can we go take Snowy for a walk?", "Can we go give Snowy some carrots?" and several others. Needless to say too, Snowy absolutely loved it. This was the kind of thing she had missed out on.

She lived with Judi's horses for a while. She was often put into a pen with another elderly horse called Raisin - who didn't care either way. The two got along pretty well. They shared their food, water, and space. The other horses accepted her as well, although; she could never go out into the arena with them other than Raisin.

Snowy eventually left Judi's barn and got put into her landlord Juan's pasture back behind his stalls and the same mobile home, back where she came from. She was put in with two other horses: Juan's horse Little Orphan Annie, and another unnamed board horse that had been there for who knows how long (Vanessa and I called her the Empress of Brats or Empress for her high strung, stubborn behavior; it was a joke name that caught on).

The kids still would want to go see her and groom her still, and it was also on us to take care of her, because Juan never did. They would still give her carrots when they got the chance to, and every so often we'd treat her to a "spa day."

Unfortunately, Snowy had other problems other than her general weakness and deformities. After a few years, she developed cancer. There was nothing we could do than watch her revert back to her miserable state. We couldn't yet afford to have a vet come and put her out of her misery, all we could do was wait.

Snowy powered through another year before passing away, much to the children's and my sadness.

She's still buried on the property today, and I even composed an ode poem in her honor.

...Goddammit I'm crying now.

(2): Nein - 'No' in German.

(3): Нет - 'No' in Russian. I used an online translator, so correct me if I'm wrong. I'll own up to my mistakes, I just like languages.

(4): Hakuna - 'No' in Swanhili. I used an online translator, so correct me if I'm wrong. I'll own up to my mistakes, I just like languages.

(5): Όχι - 'No' in Greek. I used an online translator, so correct me if I'm wrong. I'll own up to my mistakes, I just like languages.


	4. Chapter 3

A/N I'm so happy how this is coming out! **[I'm not.]**

Katherine was the chosen one. She had the force. She could fight and use magic. Her force was steadily getting stronger and causing physical changes to her like making her look like an elf. **[Still wondering how something like that is possible.]** By now her hair had grown to reach the knees **[Yikes.]** and she had pointy ears.

One day she got her own bow because she had became so good at archery. Legolas handed her a bow that was pink with violet spots and heart on its tip. **[*banging head against wall* Ow. Ow. Ow.]** The heart was the symbol of the force. **[Why? Give us details, dammit.]**

Then Elrond decided to sent her to a quest.

"To Rohan must you go." **[Yoda, stop possessing people from different universes.]** Said Elrond.

"Okay. Who's going to come with me? Can I take Ikaros with me?"

"With you shall Legolas and Ikaros come." **[Fuck.]** He said.

"Okay that's good." She said

"Let the force be with you." **[*face desk* Fuuuu-]** He said

Then they set on a journey though she didn't have no idea why they were going. **[Good, make like Daniel Boone(1) and get lost.]** But she assumed that it would be something fascinating.

The journey to Gondor took a lot of time. **[No shit Sherlock.]** She kept singing nearly all the time. **[That is going to get old really fast.]** Animals gathered around her and her pony just to listen the beautiful singing. **[Are you Snow White now?]** Legolas enjoyed her singing as well. Everytime Katherine singed he wanted to embrace her into tight hug. **[Really? It makes me want to blast Slipknot, which I suddenly can't because Spotify is being a flaming bitch.]**

Then she saw the castle of Rohan **[Wait, where's she going again. First she said Rohan, then Gondor, then back to Rohan...you know what? I don't care, chuck her into Mount Doom for all I care.]** and she went nearly out of breath because it was such a great looking place indeed and she wanted to hurry there because she was curious. **[Curiosity killed the cat, let's hope satisfaction doesn't bring her back this time.]** She hadn't never seen a castle before and she wanted to just get there quickly so she could she the insides of it. But Legolas told her to wait because it would raise suspicion and wouldn't do any good.

"Stop being such an old man Leggy." **[I hate it when fanfiction authors do this.]** She said.

"But I'm an old man..." **[Over a millennia old. Yeah.(2)]** Legolas blushed.

"Hahahahahahahahaaa. That's kind of funny." She laughed

"It wasn't joke." He said.

"Umh...Okay whatever..."She said. **[Dear Spotify: You suck. Stop buffering and give me the music I don't pay for. I need to calm down.]**

When they got near the castle the gatekeeper of Rohan yelled: "What's your business here?!"

"We are because of Lord Elrond's command!" Legolas said

"Then step in!"Gatekeeper said and opened the gate. **[I guess they got the memo that Elrond means business.]**

Katherine looked eyes wide all over the place. The castle was huge like a city but dirty. Rats run all over the place and there was stray dogs and cats everywhere. **[Sounds like the Middle Ages...wait a second.]** One amputated cat walked pass them and meowed to Katherine. Katherine came down from Ikaros' back and took the poor three legged cat from the street. **[I sense a flea infestation in your near future.]**

"Your so cute! Even though you have only three legs and one eye and you have some maggots crawling around your ears but your still cute!"She said. **[*gags* I love animals, but I draw the line at maggots.]**

"Put the cat down. It comes from the dark side of the force. You should kill it."Legolas said.

"That's nonsense. How could a small cat be dangerous?" **[Oh you would be surprised. I got scratched just today by a demon cat, and I swear it was aiming at my veins.]** Katherine said.

Then the cat scratched Katherine **[See? Some cats are just demons.]** and Katherine started to shiver wildly. The cat jumped off and disappeared somewhere. She was shaking heavily and fell down. It was like she had gotten epilepsy attack or something. **[Epilepsy is a medical condition, you're thinking seizure.]** Then she passed out.

Legolas picked her up and yelled help. He started to run towards the center of the castle and some guardians **[of the Galaxy...sorry.]** came to show him the way. They run somewhere and there was a bed and she was put into bed. She had stopped shaking. A doctor **[Healer.]** came and told Legolas to meet the King. The doctor **[HEALER GODDAMMIT.]** would take care of Katherine.

Legolas was full of worry. He was also afraid what if she died and then Elrond's plan would go to waste. **[Wait, what plan? Is he going to reveal that he's V?]** Then he remembered Katherine's beautiful face and he didn't want to loose her because his personal attachments to her. **[What personal attachments? Oh those? Yeah, forget those, they're are worthless.]**

After he had met with the king he hurried to the room where Katherine was kept. She was awake and full of energy but she had turned into a boy. **[In true **_**Drake and Josh**_** fashion: Hnaa?]**

A/N That amputated cat is my self insert **[Meaning it was you? Pfft...]** in this story. Pretty cool huh? **[Hilarious. *eye roll*]**

**Footnotes:**

(1): Daniel Boone - famous American frontiersman

(2): I have no freaking idea what Legolas's age is, and I'm too lazy to look it up. I just know that he's well over a millennia old.


	5. Chapter 4

**[Finally got Spotify working again. Pain in my ass.] **I'm back after a long time. **[Why?]** I was doing some original stuff, but now I'm back. **[Again, why?]** I've learned my lesson and from now on I will be doing this fic much better than it used to be. **[I'll be the judge of that.]**

Katherine woke up in a bed she didn't know in a place she had never seen before. She was feeling bit funny, but otherwise everything was just fine. She saw Legolas who had fell asleep by her bed. **[So far it's the same crap I've been attempting to read and not scream at like Corey Taylor in "Surfacing" and "People = Shit."]**

Then she nearly screamed when she noticed something horrible: She saw root growth on Legolas' hair. **[DUN DUN DUNNN.]** The guy must have been dying his hair all the time, but it didn't make Legolas less hotter in the eyes of Katherine. **[Love makes blind fools of everyone...oh wait this is lust. Nevermind.]** Katherine had always thought that root growth was sexy. **[See? Lust.]**

Legolas seemed to wake up, since he started yawning.

"Hey Leggy, **[*glare*]** how's it going", Katherine asked.

"I'm doing fine, but you…", Legolas sounded unsure.

"I'm feeling just fine. I feel better than ever before. What happened to the amputated cat", Katherine sounded worried.

"It was shot. **[With what? An arrow? Because I find the possibly of a firearm somehow being in Middle Earth highly unlikely.]** It had come from the dark side. Luckily you didn't get infected more."

Legolas reached his hand towards Katherine's chest. Katherine was blushing, but the blush quickly faded away when she realised thaat she didn't have breasts anymore. **[As if that would change your perspective on the matter?]** Legolas was touching her chest, but the normal lumps of meat weren't there anymore. **[...The female mammary is a gland encased in fat you dipshit. Research.]**

Then she realised that there was something extra in her pants too. **[*tries to raise one eyebrow* Nope, still can't do it.]** Legolas was looking very pale and frightened. There was a long silent moment between them.

Finally Katherine broke the silence.

"This is what I've always dreamed of", **[Huh?]** Katherine yelled with joy.

She was glowing of happiness. She or now he was laughing and smiling. He danced gracefully around the room and finally started to sing. He realised that his voice had changed too, but he liked the change. **[Meep. Sorry, Spotify stopped working again. I'm starting to get pissed.]**

Legolas was very obviously fascinated by Katherine's singing. He also found the new Katherine quite attractive as well. Before he even knew, he found himself blushing. **[Augh.]**

People from the castle gathered to the room to hear Katherine's singing. Even people who had chores came over to hear him. Finally the King himself came to listen.

"That was magnificent", **[I couldn't hear over Corey, which is a good thing.]** applaused the king after Katherine had stopped.

"Yeah, I know it, old man", Katherine answered quickly.

"Hohohohohhoo! **[Sandy Claws, I mean, Santa Claus?]** Aren't you one bold person, but I like it your boldness I mean." **[You shouldn't.]**

Katherine smiled to the king and said something witty, which was answered by the king with more laughter. **[Can someone explain to this person what wit is?]** Legolas interrupted their conversation. **[*scoff* Rude.]**

"We were sent here by the lord Elrond. What is our mission here", Legolas asked.

"Don't be such a lame person Leggy", **[Hey author, every time you call Legolas that, a puppy dies.]** Katherine said.

"Yeah, that's right. Relax Leggy", **[You heartless bitch. Stop killing the puppies.]** the king said.

Legolas blushed and muttered something like an apology. **[Why? You guys are on a mission? Goddamn, this Sue has Legolas whipped.(1)]** Katherine answered to him that it was okay and then he hugged Legolas. Legolas blushed again and answered the embrace. **[She obviously doesn't know what kind of situation she's writing in. Middle Earth is a Medieval fantasy land, in which if a woman (turned man) were to do just that; she would be looked upon very negatively.]**

Then after a while the king explained why they were here. **[**_**Finally.**_**]** They were supposed to take part in a battle against orcs. **[What? That's it? Shit, I can do that.]**

katherine was scared of fighting, but Legolas came and comforted him. **[If Katherine is now male, you would think the author would give him a new name to drive the fact home? The only reason I say this is because even I'm getting confused.]** It made him feel full of power once again and felt that he was ready for anything.

"Don't be scared Katherine", Legolas said.

"But I've never been in a battle before. And I can't even fight", **[You've been training...wait that was only for a few weeks, nevermind.]** cried Katherine.

"Yes you can. Strong force lies in you. You just have to feel confident and stop underestimating yourself." **[My dad told me pretty much the same thing. What d'ya know?]**

"I'll try", Katherine said and smiled to Legolas.

Next day they got mounted **[Over a mantelpiece I hope.]** and headed towards the battlefield. Katherine was still feeling anxious about how the three legged cat had been killed and also because of the incoming fight. Lurwin comforted him and it made him feel very good almost lighthearted. **[Not possible. Not even the toughest soldier in the entire world could do that...I need to stop watching war movies. Speaking of, I should go see **_**Fury.**_**]**

**Footnotes:**

(1): I'm a total feminist, but I can't stand it when men are whipped into a position by their girlfriends, wives, or what have you that doesn't reflect who they really are. Sexism and abuse is a two way street, folks. It's not just women that go through stuff like this, men do too.


End file.
